is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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