I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
