HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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