that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
