how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
