Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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