i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
