i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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