I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
