why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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