I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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