so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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