tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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