i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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