Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
