It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
