Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
