apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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