i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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