i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
