His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
