Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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