We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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