so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
