i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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