I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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