the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
