Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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