saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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