Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
