Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
