i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think my moral compass just broke
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