I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
