I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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