Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
