Non-Jews are for practice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
