wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
