I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
