sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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