Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
