Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
