So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
