Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
