also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
