I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
