Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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