I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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