he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
should my penis look like a turkey
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
