It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
