Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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