At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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