It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize