i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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