And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
