can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
