I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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