dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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